BLEEEEHHHHHH!!!!

HI! I'm here in the SWC library waiting for my homie melissa to come pick me up. She should be here any minute so i apologize if this entry is a little short..

SO!

I got my financial aide a couple weeks ago or something and i bought myself the sims 3 ambitions!!! YAY! It's pretty awesome. You get to go to work with your sims! I made a sim who is covered in tatoos cause i thought i was gonna be a tattooist but there is only the stylist profession.. But i think you can do tatoos also... but mehh.. I get to make over sims who come to the salon. It's fun! I wanna get late night next, then world adventueres and then all the "Stuff" expansions.

ALSO! I'm gonna be buying a car sometime next week! I still don't know what kind to get.. Either an eclipse, celica, orrrr a bmw. I DUNNO! I'm gonna need some help. I tried taking my permit test earlier this week but i failed!!!!!! i missed 7 questions and you're only allowed to miss 6. I thought you were able to mis 8!! i dunno maybe they changed it. SO YEAH! Can't wait!

Thats pretty much it for now. I'm gonna try and call melissa now. LATES!



.....
........
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BLUE NIGHTMARE!!!!...... Here we come...

Hello Again!

Hiiii! I know it's been a while since i've updated this. Sorry! heheh

Soo.. I'm sitting here in the library waitting for my Art history class to start at 6. I have about 15 mins so yeah. Just trying to kill time. I would be reading my text book for class but i totally forgot which chapter i was supposed to read. :( My bad. Oh well. I was just killing time looking at youtube make up artist blogs. I think i know what i want to be for halloween! I think Ryan wants to be some like 1940's mafia gangster or something. Soooo.. I will either be a girl gangster (the only thing that sucks about that is there aren't too many cool looking ones. The best ones are the sluttier ones and i KNOW i will not look good in them) a "flapper" girl.. Don't know how to describe it, or some kind of vintage pin up type costume. hehe I'm gonna wear a wig and put marylin monroe make up. YAY! hope it looks good.

Today it's been raining HARD!! Pretty much all day. That's cool. I love this weather. I just wished it was thundering and lightning too! Last time that happened i was indoors all day.. didn't get to see much of it. :(

I'm having a great day so far. I worked out and ate some luch with a love who surprised me with 2 things today.. Too bad i can't say what they are.......... :D
After class i shall chill with him for a mini bit more.. then home time.
HOPEFULLY TOMORROW WE SEE JACKASS 3D!!!
So yeah it's almost time to get going! class starts in 7 mins!!! BYE!<3

Hi!

Yes i know it's been a while. I guess I forget to update sometimes. A lot's been going on. It's now SEPTEMBER. I recently started school for the fall season and so far it's going pretty good. I'm REALLY trying my best to get all my assignments done on time. and i have a good feeling this semester. Hopefully i'll get some A's! Ryan recently got a job at Home Depot! which is cool. He's been working there for about 2 weeks and he seems to really like it. :) Also since it's September, our year lease is almost up! i'm REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLYYYYYYYYY looking forward to moving back south again. I won't have problems getting to school anymore, we wont be wasting sooo much gas going back and forth anymore and i'll be somewhat closer to people.. who probably wont chill with me anyways. heheh but yeah i can't wait.. Also.. Halloween and Christmas is coming up! yayy!! I still don't know what i'm gonna be for Halloween. I probably won't dress up to save some money. cause i'm supposed to be buying a car soon. which i really wanna do. but i NEED a job or i'm gonna be screwed. I'm also in desperate need of some new clothes..pant's especially. and i wanted to buy some new makeup and some hair products and all that jazz. it's been a long time since i've bought stuff like that and i'm running out of everything. so it's time to re-up. That's also the only money i'll have for chirstmas if i dont get a job! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!! :(

You know what? Next semester i should start having classes in the morning! that way i can have a better work schedule. and maybe someone will hire me if i have a better availability. It's gonna be so hard though. I'm gonna be dying!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Duuuuude! i'm waiting for my parents to come home with foooood! They should have been here by now! i haven't eaten anything in.... like 15 hours. ughhh.. theres NOTHING here to hold me off until they come.. save me!

Hmm.. i'm gonna miss my love this weekend. He's working pretty much everyday with some WACK ass hours. soo.. yeah.. oh well.. :)

k i'm done here i think.. Time to pass some time with my other love....
....
...
The Sims 3!!!!!
hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

At Home Chillin.

Sooo.. The weather here is starting to SUCK some big ol' balls..
It's sooo hot. Especially here in La Mesa. It feels soo much cooler when i go down to Palm. haha Feeling the fresh ocean air. I wanted to go swimming today but i just dyed my hair again.. It's not a very good idea to swim with red hair. haha It's lame cause my bedroom faces where the sun comes up, so in the morning at EXACTLY 7:30 i wake up in this baking heat, get my pillow and head to the living room. I put the AC on full blast and just pass out on the couch. haha I cant be in my room until the sun goes down cause its just so uncomfortable.
SO i spent the day doing laundry and dying my hair. I reallllllyyy want to paint my nails but i dont have nail polish remover. So i gotta figure something out. I try not to chip my nail polish off cause it fucks up my nails but i might not have a choice this time. I'm also gonna try to clean my room a little. It's a bit unorganized at the moment.

What else.. Oh yeah i got on academic probation!! :( i've had a bad GPA in school lately so i went to this seminar cause they said i couldn't register until i went to it. I was so scared that i wouldn't be able to get any classes! cause last semester they filled up REALLY fast. Surprisingly though, i got my classes yesterday! I gottt a math class, an art history class (Again.. :( ) hopefully i get into this biology class but just in case i cant, i got a reading class for back up. and my most favorite!!!... a strength and fitness class!!!!!! yayyy!!! i'm tired of being a fatty.. :( haha so yeah. Thats pretty much all for now. byebyeeeeeeeeeeeee

Alrighty.

I hate not updating in a while, cause i don't know where to begin. Today's just a lazy day i guess. Just sitting at home cause no one want's to chill. :( haha I called melissa to see if i can go chill at her house today but she said they're gonna have some party at someone elses house. i don't really wanna go cause i don't dance or know anyone she chills with so BLEH.

I WANT MONEY!!! I just wanna buy a bunch of random crap. haha Trying to find a job is so hard though, and i HATE the process of it. Taking forever on online applications with their retarded ass 50 stupid questions. and of course they NEVER call you so you gotta call them and eeehhh... Whatever though. I guess everyone needs to do it. I might as well give it a shot. :P

Bleh bleh bleh.

:)

Sooooo.. Things between me and Ryan have gotten soo much better again. Just like i hoped it would! Since school ended we've been spending almost everyday with each other and i feel closer to him again as a result. AND!!!!!!!




WE'RE GOING TO WASHINGTON TOGETHER!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just me and him! or.. Him and I... which ever the proper grammar is. lol
It's gonna be sooo much fun! were finally going on that road trip that we've been dreaming of since the end of high school. We're not going to the exact place we were hoping to go to back then but its close! heheh
I'm actually gonna try to help him do petitions.. I'm not good at it and i absolutely hate approaching people.. but he said he would make it easy for me so we'll see how that goes.. hopefully good cause we can benefit from the money.
We're leaving in like..2 or 3 days!!!! lol He's not sure if he wants to go friday or saturday. OMG.. i can't wait.. a little mini vacation with the love!

<3!!

PAINT!!!

Oh yeah! and check out the sick ass painting ive been working on all day yesterday. thats all i got so far. im gonna ad some color to it today... well after i wake up hella late.. hahah but yeah its gonna be finnished by the end of the day! im so excited!!! it felt really good to actually paint something on a real canvas... :D:D:D im so happy. it really kept me busy and i had so much fun drawing again.. its actually been months!!!!.. since my figure drawing class ended last semester.. YAY!!! I'll post the finnished look when its done niggas.

Here's a little close up of her face.

Old Faithful..

So i was listening to some songs i downloaded right now and i've found some new inspiration about how i've been feeling lately. Cheesy as this song kind of is.. i still like it.. haha



_________________________________________________________
I know how it feels to be on your own.
In this cruel world where hearts are bound to turn to stone.
Where you are alone..
And tired of breathing..
It's all going wrong..
And you just can't stand the pain any more..
You're too numb to believe in..
In anything..

Baby just don't close your heart.
Baby just don't close your heart.
Baby just don't close your heart.

Darling don't let me down..

I know how easy it is to let go.
Surrender to despair lurking at your door.
To lose your soul and all your feelings..
Strength all gone..
And so many things left unsaid..
And deeds undone..
You've stopped caring..
'Cause it's all in vain..

Baby just don't close your heart.
Baby just don't close your heart.
Baby just don't close your heart.

Darling don't let me down..

You are so alone..
And tired of breathing..
It's all going wrong..
And you just can't stand the pain..

Baby just don't close your heart!!
Baby just don't close your heart!!
Baby just don't close your heart!!

Darling don't let me down!!!!!!

Don't let me down!
Don't let me down!
Just don't let me down!!..
_________________________________________________________

I WONT let you down nigga..<3!

Why I'm still awake at 7:30 AM... I just don't know! lol

...

Ok i totally regret all that i said last post.. I need to step back and let him make his decisions.. If HE decides he wants to ruin us then thats fine... But i'm gonna try really hard to just believe everything he says and hope he's telling me the truth.. I have faith that we will pull through this and this will make us a stronger/closer couple in the end. I'm just gonna focus on me right now.. In school and try to find a job so he can be proud of me. YAY!

I'm in class right now and im trying to kill some time.. I have like 10 mins left! Right now were trying to gather as much info on our future careers. I emailed a couple graphic designers on DeviantArt.com cause i have to ask them some questions on how they got to where they are in their careers today.

I need some help.

So i've been having some trust issues with Ryan lately.. I can't get these ridiculous thoughts out of my head. I mean its everyday and the paranoia is really starting to piss me off. It all started with porn. I caught him twice and he said he was sorry, and that he didn't even like what he was looking at, and that im better than all of those bitches... and that he PROMISED he wouldn't do it again. "blah blah blah" was all i heard.. he was straight up lying to my face. So after that, i forgave him and went on with life. Everything was chill until i started noticing him lying more and keeping secrets from me. Like when he knew all along that our friend Alvaro was cheating on his gf. i felt hurt that he couldn't tell me. So i forgave that eventually too. Then.... the hugest disappointment in my life.. I found out that Ryan went to a strip club.. A WHOLE YEAR AFTER IT HAPPENED!!!! I was seriously blown away by the news. He went on a night where he was supposed to take care of me cause i was sick. I took care of him when he was sick.. so it was the least he could do. he came back from practice BEGGING me to go to TJ with his band mates or whatever. and me (stupidly trusting him) let him go.. leaving me crying, all by myself, sick in bed to go party. So a whole YEAR goes by... and i find out. How fucking STUPID am I? I trusted him!!! lol... that's how you get repaid for being a good girlfriend i guess..
"Yeah go ahead.. have a good time in TJ.."
Pshh.. Never Again....

So after finding out this devastating news.. My trust in ryan is totally and completely broken. I gave him ONE last chance.. but i cant trust him for shit now. And its HIS fault. I really feel like shit though cause it was always my goal to be the best girl friend i could be to him. i wanted him to think i was the sickest cause i would let him go out and chill and i never wanted to be the nagging type.. i never wanted to be controlling.. i wanted all his friends to be jealous and say "damn dude your chick is pretty awesome, mine never lets me do that shit" or whatever!!! I wanted him to be proud to have me as HIS girl. But now i dont know what to do dude.. I find myself starting to get mad when he wants to go chill without me.. UGHHH ...I never thought that our relationship would get like this. I started out very confident in our love for each other.. and now that confidence is almost slim to none.. and it hurts.. it really does. Now, very suspicious thoughts have entered my brain and its REALLY... pissing me off.. every day that he's not around, i think he's off doing something with someone. i mean... when you have SET days... where you KNOW your not gonna be seeing your girl friend.. its the perfect opportunity to cheat.. especially when your girl friend lives far. I don't like this whole.. Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and even Sundays.. no chilling.. I was only seeing him 3 times a week sometimes.. that's why i was getting paranoid.. I know he has class on mondays and wednesdays.. thats cool... i know he mainly talks to girls in his classes though... i can just imagine him trying to make them laugh..doing the dumb things he used to do to make me laugh...oh yeah! i know he's like best friends with some 16 year old bitch in his spanish class.. and they made a play skit where they fall in love.... AWWWWW.... how cute........ he better fucking delete her # and never talk to her again when this semester ends.. fuck that. so yeah.. shit like that starts to scare me.. she could live near him and want him to hang out after class one day.. and since he gives into peer presure so much, he could actually say YES!!! and of course not tell me.....lol well.. i hope not...

You have no idea how much i hate thinking things like this. but i cant help it. when all his friends are cheating on their girl friends and forcing him to lie to me, and he gives in to peer pressure SO DAMN EASILY... it scares me dude.. He has BAD friends... He really does.. Why would you associate yourself with assholes who are full of themselves that make you do shit that you dont want to do?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THATS THE QUESTION OF THE YEAR!!! hahahaha I know its like a huge thing for guys to show off and be the coolest and the manliest right? GOD... Male pride is such bullshit..
"I have to be cool so im gonna do what they say!!!!" PFFFFTTT!!! STFU already!!!
hahaha I can just hear them now..
"Nah i'm not gonna drink tonight you guys"
"C'mon Faggot!"
"Nah i cant"
"Ah what a bitch! Your girl got you on check or what? DRINK!!!"
"Nah.. i got shit to do tomorrow.."
"Ah what a fag.. your out of the band!"
"Hahaha alright fine!!"

HAHAHAHAHA!!

Why cant he hang out with good people with goals and morals and bring him up..people who actually HELP you with shit and give you GOOD advice!!!!!!.. All his friends do is drink and bring each other down and make each other do shit to prove themselves to each other...
I DONT KNOW!!!! FUCK THEM is all i have to say...
BE STRONG AND THINK FOR YOURSELF!!!!

Well.. I'm hoping this summer will fix everything.. cause i know we will have more days to chill with each other. And i'm really looking forward to trusting him again.. i know both of us will be really happy. I just hope he dosent take advantage when i do trust him again... lol It will be OVER if another incident like that one happens again.. SO BE CAREFUL... STOP LYING...IF YOUR GOING TO DO SOMETHING THAT CAN PRETTY MUCH END OUR RELATIONSHIP... BE A MAN!!!! AND TELL ME THE DAMN TRUTH AT LEAST!!!!!!!!!
LOLOL!!

YOU CAN DO IT MY LOVE!!!!<3<3 hahaha

Yo

Im here! In the library right now. I got out of english early cause my teach said she wasnt feeling too good and had to go home. so me and 2 of my group members sat outside and planned what we were gonna do for our group presentations. My job is to write all the activity questions on the board and type out everything anthony is going to say cause he didnt show up today. So yeah it should be fine. For once im not even scared or nervous to stand up and talk infront of the class. Kinda weird. hahah I think im starting to break out of my shell a little more.. Im not shy anymore when someone randomly talks to me. i talk to them like i already know them! hahah and i notice people talking to me more when i talk to them and shit. hahah woo!


So hopefully today i can buy my sick ass laptop. ryans gonna help me pick one out thats sick enough to play my sims and still cheap enouigh. Then hes gonna fix the Xbox live account and the FF account so i can play the game with him and edwin. I'm hoping to get my laptop for around $500.. i was gonna buy ryan something sick for his bday.. but i think i should spend it on something i really need. im still gonna have enough to buy him a cool present.. just MAYBE not THAT one. hahahh not yet anyways.. when he deserves it then i shall get it. but meh!!!!!! hahahahah

i should type that thing anthony needs to read before i run out of time in here!!! haha
laterrr

yay!

I got internet on muh phone! Yayyyy! Right now im at melissas house busting left 4 dead! Just thought it'd be cool to update from my phone. Hahahaha what eva!

Damn

SO... Another SECRET has surfaced!!!!!!!!!!

I'm not surprised.. I knew he had gone to a strip club for a long time.. I just didnt wanna be wrong and accuse him of something he didnt do.. Now i regret my decision.. I should have asked when i susspected it.. But.. he probably still would have denied it.. Ughh..


My question is..
What is the point?

If you wanna be in a serious relationship.. then you gotta know what you can and cant do..
If you wanna be free.. Then dont tell someone you love them.. be single.. that way you can do whatever the fuck you want.. I just dont want my time wasted..

I'm gonna believe him.. again.. But i swear this is the last time. I've had enough of secrecy...

Peace.

Waiting.

Me and Ryan are here in the library waiting to get picked up. We've been waiting since 3:15. Its now 4:23 and it still gonna be a while. Gina is doing loans and they can't come get us cause there is no room in the car.. They gotta go home and drop people off. GAY!

so i haven't been posting a lot in here. I never get the chance. I dont have the net and i can never really update while at school cause i never have the time. I wish i did pot more last month though.. Since it was supposed to be my favorite month. :(
I'm pretty sure we did some cool things.. i cant really remember right now. im too lazy to think about shit. I just wanna go home and EAT!!!!!!! im so hungry..

Last night we saw Alice in Wonderland in IMAX. It was aight. Nothing that sick. Ugh this is gonna be a lame post. I HATE not posting in a long time! cause then i gotta think of what happened and try to summarize it all up fast. Bleh.. Im done with this. i cant think if anything cool to write. lol

English Class

yo!! i'm in english class right now.. I finnished the assignment and i thought i'd say wuddup!
So.. i guess i'm 20 now.. woo! not that cool but whatever. didnt do much.. worked out.. came home slept.. had some pizza.. chilled with ryan. it was coo.... so yeah now im really sore in my arms, chest and abs.. but its weird cause it dosent bother me too much.. it kinda feels good. hahah maybe its cause i know that shit will start going into place.. heheh.. but yeah igotta make this short.. cause im not really supposed to be on here.. and we only have like 10 mins left in class.. so yeah.. im done.. :D:D

At The School Library..

Well here i am once again.. I think the last time i updated was right after new years. Not too long ago but whatever. I don't have internet at my house.. We PO!!! (poor) lol I'm surprised that the school library lets me come on a site like this.. I think maybe because of the newer computers? It's a good thing too cause itssss.... 12:57 right now.. and I gotta wait until 2 for my Art History Class.. I just got out of Weight Training.. And its gonna be lame.. but cool at the same time.. My teacher is some old fat guy.. and there's a lot of dudes in there!!!!!! nooooooooo!!! I hope i dont get killed by one of the machines.. not knowing how to work it or anything. So yeah.. since i didn't bring any work out clothes today, i got to leave early..SO! HERE... I... AM!!!

I've been pretty sick this whole week. I've have a terrible cough.. and have been sneezing like a MOFO!!!!!! i sneezed like 5 times in a row on my way to but a lock on this locker.. ahaha. i usually like sneezing but now its starting to get a bit annoying.

(Damn.. My typing skills have really dropped from not using a computer regularly.. I used to be able to type without looking.. but now i suck... Ryan never really lets me use his computer anymore.. and the only time i use the computer at home is just to check myspace and then i get right off... I remember i used to chat like all day everyday.. from when i woke up to when i went to sleep.. chatting with peeps.. but since i dont do that anymore.. I'm pretty much sucking.)

ANYWAYSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I dont know what else to write about.. I still got an hour to kill!
What shall i do?
I wish i had my own computer.........
Hmmm....
Maybe i should by one...
With my money from school..
And save the rest so i can finally move out on my own..

UGH.. but i really DO need all that money if i wanna move out.. I won't be able to spend it on anything else... I seriously can't live in my parent's anymore.. at least until they move too a bigger place.. cause.. its getting SO annoying.. I can't be by myself AT ALL.. The only place i can go is in the bathroom.. and there's no mirror in there so its not as fun.. lol its not like i can sit in there for hours or anything. i want my own space.. with my own shit.. I don't want people coming in whenever they please.. without even knocking.. I'll be able to buy my own food.. cause food goes REALLY quick in my house.. Josh said that if i move out, he'd give me his little fridge so i can put my food in there.. I need some freedom... FUCK... its only 1:08..
if i keep this blog up for an hour... then its gonna be boring.. so.. i think i'm gonna go..

Peace n Love!

Happy New Year!!!!!!

Hello again!
I was sitting here in my room watching TV, and since there's absolutely nothing on, i decided to update this thing for the start of the new year. Its just lame cause i don't think anyone even reads this.. i wish Ryan or some of my other friends had blogs, so i could read theirs and they could read mine and leave me comments. haahah. But yeah.. I guess i could just use this thing for memories.. Look back in like 10 years and see what was going on in my head when i was young.

Sooo.. First of all.. i need to talk about what i thought of 2009.. It was kind of a shitty year for me.. Some things were good but overall i think it sucked.. Now that i think about it... i cant even remember anything.. All we did this whole year was party.. I mean yes it was fun but damn.. lol
thats kind of lame.. i didnt accomplish anything. the only thing im glad i did was get my first job at JC Penny. And i think the worst thing that happened this year was us moving to gay La Mesa. I was kinda depressed for a while. I felt like i was so far away from Ryan. and since he was basically my only friend, i felt trapped here.. cause he kept telling me that he would go and hang out with the homies without me.. and before i moved here.. we would do EVERYTHING together.. and i felt so left out and sad.. i think i started to get jelous or something. but now i think ive gotten used to living here.. we've been doing out best to see eachother and hang out with peeps.. and i think its working out good now. We WILL be moving back to SD though. I cant wait to go back. I had a good xmas too.. Ryan remembered that i really REALLY wanted a sewing machine and he got me one! haha i just cant figure out how to use it!!! and its frustrating. haha cause i wanna fix all my clothes already and start my little buisiness. my new year was lame cause Ryan was mad at me......... cause im a dumbass........... >.<
I really didnt mean to cause such drama.. Damn i thought drinking was supposed to be FUN! and it really did used to be fun for me too... i used to love drinking with my friends... and now its terrible.. its not fun at all.. and i dont fell the need to ever drink again.. cause it ruins everyone elses fun.. and thats not cool. anyways.. i didnt get my new years kiss........ which i was really looking forward too. i was thinking about how i was gonna kiss Ryan at midnigh for like 2 weeks.. haha.. but because of me, that didnt happen.. he never even wished me a happy new year.. even after we made up. lol... lame... but he has high hopes for the new year.. and now so do i.. So i made a couple new years resolutions myself.. (in no particular order.)

1. Have a bikini body..
- Ryan is HOT! and he deserves to have a hot girlfriend.. and im tired of feeling bad about myself when i look in the mirror.. I wanna be extra confident this year!

2. Take a sewing class this summer..
- I really really wanna make clothes and have my own little online buisness.

3. Learn to drive/get my liscense..
- So i can be more independent.

4. Be a better artist..
- i LOVE to draw.. but i noticed that i never draw in my free time.. only in class.. and i wish i could draw more.. but i can't seem to find inspiration.. i wanna take a painting class and i finally am going to take my graphic design class.. hopefully next semester.. i dont care how early i have to get up to take it.

5. Be a better girlfriend to Ryan.
- I thought i was a good ass girlfriend before.. but lately i dont think i have been.. i feel really bad for all the drunkin scenes ive done.. i've hurt him physically and i embarrased him in front of his friends.. So i'm gonna do the best i can to make and keep him happy!!!

6. NO DRINKING
- Fuck yeah..

7. Stay possitive and be happy.
- I don't wanna feel like i did last year. I wanna make the best of this year and start off my 20's right!

8. Hopefully make some friends........
- cause im tired of being alone when Ryans busy.. and the old ones dont seem to wanna chill with me.. i'm always the one who says "whats up! lets hang out!" first.. they never talk to me on myspace to see whats up with me or wanna chill.. so im done.. if they dont care then im not gonna care.. i'll make some cooler friends..

i probably have more but i cant think of them right now... i'm done with this blog....... I wanna go and play sims now cause i bought a kickass 6 bedroom house!!!!! lates and happy new year to anyone who reads this... which i doubt... if you do then leave me a comment or something!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love,
Sara<3